Terror in the Skies! Oops, My Bad: Just Some Guy Going to the Lav.

Much amok has been made over a recently re-posted article in Flight Aware Newsletter, about Northwest Airlines Flight 327, back in 2004.  During the flight, a reporter witnessed “strange behavior” from “multiple Middle Eastern-looking men.”  The men congregated in the aisle and frequently went to the lavatory, causing consternation among the passengers.  According to the reporter, the flight attendants were “too terrified” to confront the men.  Multiple articles from the nervous flyer ensued, including “rebuttal” articles chastising the reporter for her politically incorrect paranoia.

But before we launch into a discussion of the rights and wrongs, class, there’s a bit more to the story:

Also onboard Flight 327 were two FAM’s (Federal Air Marshals.)  FAM’s ride discreetly on random airline flights throughout the U.S.  While they can and do assist during any emergency (and yes, they were packin’ heat,) by and large they are only there to thwart any would-be hijackings or other terrorist acts.  Make no mistake, they were well aware of the behavior onboard this particular flight as well.

After the flight, the men were questioned by authorities, who ultimately released them.  Apparently, the men were most decidedly not from al qaeda but from a Syrian band playing in Vegas.  Fear not!  The Sphere-Strolling Syrian Serenaders made their gig.

While this particular case turned out to be embarrassingly innocuous, a strikingly similar incident took place on an America West Airlines flight in 1999; this incident is now acknowledged by the FBI as a probable “dry run” for 9/11.

So, what’s right and wrong here?  

It’s not an easy question, and I don’t have an easy answer.

Sigh . . . I wish!!

Obviously, when it comes to airlines, we want to err on the side of safety.  Can’t be too careful, post-9/11, in the skies.  But then again, this is America, the Land of the Free, and we’ll be durned if we’re gonna let those those al Qaeda thugs crimp our freedom.  So we don’t want to trample on anybody’s rights.  As a result, we err on the side of Politically Correct Safety.  God forbid we “profile”—even though there is a solid, proven demographic that continues to be a real threat.  Personally, I think we could have our Politically Correct Cake and eat it too, by "reverse profiling" - lay off harassing the grannies, bambinos, etc. - you know, the demographics that have yet to prove themselves a threat.  (Though I do I like Israel’s El Al Airlines' approach to Profiling:  “Yeah, we profile.  You gotta problem with dat, Pal?  Step over to the screening room!”  Sound of rubber gloves snapping into place.)*

Since 9/11, TSA (Transportation Security Administration) security rules have changed.  And changed.  And changed.  To the point that we simply shrug and say, “If you don’t like the rules, just wait a couple weeks.”

And, as anyone who has stood in a Disneyland-long security line only to be further delayed by a flight crew cutting the line, the rules have changed for employees as well.  Yes, even flight crew have to clear the metal detectors now.  Contrary to the vast majority of my peers, however, I’m all for this security measure.  Why?  Since the post-9/11 rule change, not once has a crew hijacked itself.  Hey, you can’t argue with 100% success!

Since 9/11 NOT ONCE has a flight crew hijacked itself. That's a 100% success rate for our heroes at TSA!

Politically Correct Profiling and demographics aside, far and away the most common hijacking threat is that of the lone whack job.  While the freakazoid may vaguely think he's doing it in the name of Allah, whatever that means, most of the time even he doesn’t know why he's doing it.  Often, the perp says later, he did it to “impress a girl.”  Ewwww!

In this type of case, TSA is most effective.  By and large they will snag the Fruitloop long before he even gets near a plane.

“Let’s roll."

—9/11 Hero Todd Beamer  

These famous words, declared on United Flight 93, became America’s 9/11 rallying cry.  Rest assured, today's flight is no longer packed with a flock of docile sheep, but an exaltation of American Eagles itching for payback.  Heaven help the poor sumbich who just wants to hijack the plane to Cuba!

 While it’s reassuring to think I have my own personal, trigger-happy-if-unarmed SWAT team onboard, it’s actually a double-edged sword.  My biggest concern nowadays is actually holding back passengers, who are now spring-loaded to pounce on anyone exhibiting the slightest wackiness.

Get a random group of people together on an airplane, and someone’s gonna be on meds.  Unwittingly feed that guy a drink or two, suck out of the cabin a few thousand feet’s worth of air pressure and common sense,** and suddenly he’s acting a bit, well, whacko.  People, a little heads-up:  it’s a million to one odds your onboard weirdo is anything more than that—a harmless weirdo!

Fear not:  TSA guarantees your flight will be freako-free  . . . NOT!!!

Then again, there’s always a never-ending supply of that lucky one millionth lotto winner.  But even if the deranged wannabe does manage to sneak aboard and cause a ruckus, he is often easily thwarted by using his whackiness against him.

Once, long before 9/11, my former airline in the Caribbean*** had a hijack incident by just such a nut bag.

A pic of my old airline. Just because it's so flippin' COOL!

Just before landing at SJU, he burst into the cockpit and demanded to be flown to Cuba.  The Captain said something like, “Yes, sir, right away, sir!  But first we'll need to refuel.”  After landing, the Captain advised the hijacker that he and the FO would have to walk over to the terminal and sign for it.  His answer was a brilliant, “Duh . . . okay!”  Of course, half of Puerto Rico’s police force showed up before the fuel did.

That poor sumbich didn’t make it to Cuba either.

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3/24 addendum:
As for the TSA being effective at catching the nubags, I rest my case:  TSA arrests man carrying guns
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*El Al has not suffered from a successful terrorist hijacking since 1968; see El Al Security.

** An airliner’s cabin altitude at cruise will typically be about 8,000’; about the elevation of Durango, CO

*** Antilles Air Boats, the precursor to my beloved, now defunct airline, Virgin Islands Seaplane Shuttle.  Factoids:

• A.A.B. was founded in the 70's by Brig. Gen./Pan Am Captain Charlie Blaire and his wife, actress Maureen O'Hara.
• V.I.S.S. was destroyed by Hurricane Hugo in 1989, while I was working there.  (Gotta be a blog or two in there somewhere!)
• Currently Seaborne Airlines, operating out of STX, runs a similar seaplane shuttle service.  Another good link here.
• I nearly cried when I saw a Grumman Goose in the Smithsonian Air & Space Institution, with an "Antilles Air Boats" time schedule next to it.

Sigh . . . nostalgia!

INTERLUDE: There are Tourists, and There Are Travellers. Which One Are YOU?

A wise follower/fellow blogger soul suggested I “pace myself” on posting, so as to avoid “blogger burnout.”

But I wanna say it all now!!!!

So, tell ya what.  Occasionally, to help feed your (and my) Cap’n Aux blog addiction, here’s a new, mini-blogpost - we'll call it an "Interlude" - to fill in the time between regular posts.  (And believe, me, I got some humdingers up and coming for ya!)

So, get ready for some apéritifs.  Anecdotes and adventures.  Trivia and tidbits.  A Tray Table of tasty hors d’oeuvres of discovery to keep the  wanderlust palate satiated betwixt main courses...

To wit, Check this out:

Earth from G Adventures on Vimeo.

"Tourists don't know where they've been.  Travelers don't know where they're going."—Paul Theroux

Here's hoping you're always the latter, never the former.

And, when it comes to quotes, I always gotta quote my Main Man:

“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.” – Mark Twain

Here's 50 more great Inspirational Travel quotes

And remember my motto:

The world is a Disneyland made just for YOU!!!

Special thanks to fellow blogger Synz at From Sea To Summit for this link!

Zen Trois, Part Deux: Zen and the Art of Pilot Maintenance—the Sequel

Pilots are such a notoriously picky lot, it’s taking two articles to cover it all.

Sick Happens

While you may think a pilot is a wimp for calling in sick with a slight head cold, who among you want your flight deck to be distracted by the sniffles?  Thought so.  That’s the approach we have to take, too.  By regulations—and common sense—a pilot must be 100%, 100% of the time, in order to safely fly his 300,000-pound beast halfway across the world.  And, safety aside, it’s also about “Charlie Yankee Alpha.”*

Gawd I love my Airbus!
A wonderfully ergonomically-designed cockpit . . .

Even while taxiing, we have to consider the consequences of the slightest fender bender or wing ding; for the FAA will investigate even this minor event.  And the first thing the Inspector would say (After, “I’m from the FAA and I’m here to help you!”) is, “What?  You weren’t 100% and you tried to fly an airplane?  Violation!”

And there goes our career down the lav drain.

Fatigue Happens

Monty Python's "Comfy Chair" torture's got nuthin' on Charles' horrid seat! 

Ever since Charles Lindbergh flew his historic flight in a deliberately uncomfy chair in order to stay awake, Fatigue has been known to be an equally prevalent and far more insidious challenge.  Remember the jet lag that wiped you out for the first three days in Gay Paris?  Imagine the flight crew, whisking back and forth ‘cross “the Pond” from, say, JFK to ROM, several times a month!

. . . and yet Fifi's 1st-Gen. seat gave Lindbergh's a run for the prize for
 "Most Horrid"

Add to that the chronic randomness of the crew’s monthly, weekly or even daily schedule flip-flops from a redeye to an oh-dark-thirty departure, and your body hardly knows whether it’s coming or going.

Gear Up!  Flaps Up!  Zzzz...

NASA has long known about the problem.  The NTSB is quite aware as well.  And, after 50 years of hard-core denial, the FAA is finally getting a clue, too.  Sort of.  Well, nnnnot so much . . . .

Politics Happen

"What?  ATC Controllers sleeping on nap breaks?
I picked a bad day to stop sniffing glue!"

Recent crew rest rule changes, while an improvement, have much further to go.  And, I’m gonna say it, right here:  shame on ex-FAA chief Randy Babbitt for the bobbleheaded insanity of forbidding ATC controllers to nap during breaks!  

"We don't pay people to sleep at work at the FAA," Babbitt huffed to the press. **

Thank you, Mr. FAA!  This is absolute denial of reality in the face of politics!  For, contrary to the FAA’s insistence, pilots and controllers are not automatons.  The body’s biorhythms are well-documented—backed up by dozens of fatigue-related fatal accidents—and woe to the regs for not reflecting that.  As you well know from the late night drive home, your body doesn’t give a damn what the regs say; it’s gonna sleep when it wants.

"My mind clicks on and off. I try letting one eyelid close at a time while I prop the other with my will. But the effect is too much, sleep is winning, my whole body argues dully that nothing, nothing life can attain is quite so desirable as sleep. My mind is losing resolution and control."—Charles Lindbergh

Fortunately, international overseas flights are staffed with IRO’s, or International Relief Officers—pilots who fly the cruise portion of the leg—while the primary Captain and FO get some legal shuteye in the onboard bunks before taking over for landing. 

But domestic flight crews don’t have that luxury.  While pilots can and do call in fatigued, they are often under pressure not to, as they could cancel the flight, cancel the flight pay . . . and possibly cancel their job.  Furthermore, it is notoriously difficult to predict when one will actually be fatigued.  

OK, so the hotel fire alarm goes off 30 minutes after you doze off for the 3:30 am show time.  Easy call.  But what about the toddler at home with chronic colic, keeping the pilot-mommy or -daddy up ad nauseum for weeks or months?  Or how about that looming redeye, even if you were able to take that preemptive, post-dinner nappypoo?  

Tough call.

. . . and Sleep Happens

So now we get to the question I know you’ve been dying to ask:  Do pilots nap during flight?  From the Northwest pilots presumably “discussing their schedule” and overshooting MSP, to the exhausted commuter pilots missing ITO, whether intentionally or no, Sleep Happens.  Just like the fabled gear-up landing, there are two types of pilots:  those that have, and those that will.  

In fact, those that have resisted napping during natural circadian times often unintentionally nod off without even their own knowledge.  NASA has labeled this phenomena “microsleep events.”

Yippee!  Airbus finally gets it RIGHT!
(Mmm . . . ahh . . . Zzz . . . J/K!  J/K—off to JFK!!!)

 So, according to what we’ve learned, and despite what former FAA Administrator Ran-“denial” Babbitt would have you believe, which do think is safer:  a pilot napping at cruise altitude, or short final?
Those are your ONLY two options . . .

Choose wisely!***

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*Cover your a$$!

** Despite reems of research data supporting the contrary, FAA forbids controllers for napping during breaks

• Babbit resigned his post as FAA Administrator in December, 2011 after being arrested for drunk driving.
• See Fatigue-related aviation accidents

***Oh, and PS:  Lest I sound alarmist here, fear not:  as I've posted in the past, it's our butts in the airplane, too, so we ain't gonna push it!!  It's just an ongoing challenge, is all...