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Wednesday, October 24, 2012

THE DARWIN AWARDS—AVIATION STYLE!


HELP VICTIMS OF HURRICANE SANDY! 
Text "REDCROSS" to 90999 to automatically donate $10!

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THE DARWIN AWARDS--SPECIAL MORBID HALLOWEEN EDITION!
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Ladies and Gentlemen, from the Flight Blog...
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!


This year's costume:  a blind pilot!

And now may I present... 



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THE DARWIN AWARDS--SPECIAL MORBID HALLOWEEN EDITION!
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Following is a few aviation-related "Darwin Awards"*, most of which can be found at darwinawards.com.




Forgive the gallows humor, folks, but I for one am happy to see these would-be, wannabe and inadvertent aviators excluded from the aeronautical gene pool . . . and from our world's cockpits.  Direct links to the full reports can be found in the titles below. 
Happy Halloween!
Cap'n Aux




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1.)  Mile High Club Epic Failure...
23 December 1991, Florida
National Transportation Safety Board report
Aircraft: PIPER PA-34-200T, 
Registration: N47506

Injuries: 2 Fatal.
Witnesses observed the airplane's right wing fail in a dive and crash. Examination of the wreckage and bodies revealed that both occupants were partially clothed and the front right seat was in the full aft reclining position.  Neither body showed evidence of seatbelts or shoulder harnesses being worn.
The NTSB determines the probable cause(s) of this accident as follows:
The pilot in command's improper in-flight decision to divert her attention to other activities not related to the conduct of the flight.





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2.)  JATO (Jet-Assisted Takeoff)...’67 Chevy-Style
Now debunked as urban legend, this story is nevertheless the most popular Darwin Award of all time.  Presumably, a moron strapped a military JATO rocket to his '67 Chevy Impala, lit it off, and vaporized on the side of a mountain at 300 mph.  The only piece of the machine not atomized was the rear bumper with a sticker that read, “Hows my driving?  Call 1-800-EAT-SHIT.”





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 2.5)  "Serious Darwin Aviation Award Attempt EPIC FAIL!"
This dude shoulda won one, but FAILED!  (i.e., survived!)

video



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darwin awards designated drunk driver
CARTOON COURTESY OF CAP'N AUX ;-)




 3.)  "Flying while Intoxicated" . . . 
Or, "Hold my beer . . . watch THIS!"
After throwing down a few at a local pub, a Private Pilot hopped in his new Piper PA-32.  Without a proper preflight, he attempted to takeoff...with the gust lock still installed.  An anti-theft device, the Gust Lock freezes the control yoke full aft, mimicking a steep climb.  Climb steeply our hero did, according to witnesses going "straight up in the air like an acrobat," followed by, "a nose dive."




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4.) DB Cooper and his fans...
While infamous hijacker DB Cooper probably perished during his night jump out of a Boeing 727 into a -60° ice storm over Oregon, he has had his share of imitators.
Not to be outdone, in May, 2000, skyjacker Reginald Chua jumped out of Philippine Air Flight 812 A330...with a homemade parachute.  When our skyjacking ace chickened out at the last minute, a flight attendant helpfully pushed him out!  His body was found buried in the mud 4 days later.
When asked at a press conference why he was allowed to board the flight with a parachute, the Philippine Air spokesman replied nonchalantly, "Many passengers board our planes with parachutes."
—More info on this at Wikipedia




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4.5) D.B. Cooper Wannabe Redux...sorta...
(Darwin Award Epic Failure!...er, Success! er...?!)
 His world crashing around him, financial consultant Marcus Schrenker opted for a bailout. A bail out of his plane, that is.
 Attempting to fake his own death, Schrenker made an emergency distress call from his Piper Meridian, then parachuted out, leaving it to crash.  Scrambled to assist, Jet fighters reported the door open and no evidence of a pilot aboard.  Authorities quickly caught on, and nabbed the wannabe Darwinian within 3 days.
Charged with willful destruction of an aircraft and knowingly and willfully communicating a false distress message, he was sentenced to 51 months in prison and fined nearly 1 million dollars.




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 5.) Sling Blade's a genius compared to these two...
 Casualties: 2 fatal.  A "crack" father and son lawn mowing team (or maybe they were high on crack) at Tucumcari, NM airport decided they were good enough to fly a plane on their own—without a lick of training.  After successfully refueling a plane and taking off, they quickly found that even the simplest Cessna has a few more controls than the most sophisticated Toro.  (Flight path strikingly similar to #3, above.)






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6.) Let there be Lighter...
In 1981 A security guard at a California airport moonlighted as a gas thief by siphoning fuel from planes all night.  When one tank proved troublesome, said guard  peered into the gas tank to diagnose the problem, then lit a match...





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7.) What time is it, Captain?  It's Kaboom time! (Hamas terrorist style)...Or, Divine Retribution, Darwinian Style!
While not really aviation-related, I want to end with a bang—involving terrorist Darwin recipients!
Excerpt from article, too well-written to be monkeyed with:
A member of the military wing of Gaza’s ruling terrorist movement Hamas, who went by the name of Khalout Majid (until he went kaboom), died when a bomb he was guarding went off ...


Would you like a ticket in Evolving...

Back in 1999, in Jerusalem, the switch away from Daylight Saving Time raised havoc with Palestinian terrorists. The Palestinians refused to live on “Zionist Time,” with dire consequences:
At precisely 5:30 PM on Sunday, September 5, 1999, two coordinated car bombs exploded in different cities, killing three terrorists who were transporting the bombs. . . 


...or De-volving?


. . . the bombs had been prepared in a Palestine-controlled area, and set to detonate on Daylight Saving Time. But the confused drivers had already switched to Standard Time... As a result, the cars were still en-route when the explosives detonated, removing the terrorists from humanity’s genetic considerations.



In fairness to our poor Dead Terrorists, I'll allow one of them to speak out here, on behalf of himself and his fellow deceased Jihadians...


video


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AND FINALLY...
Here's a fun li'l video of some quite telling aviation "oopsie!" pics.  It's entitled, "Bad Day at the Airport"—the title sez it all!


video


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HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
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*"The Darwin Awards salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who accidentally remove themselves from it..."
 
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Further Reading...
Gremline, an online aviation safety digest, examining lessons from dumb pilots...
—Sadly, even professional pilots need to be culled from the herd from time to time... 
      —Additional Wikipedia link...
Urban Legends--multiple Darwin Award links, and debunks 
—Get the book, "Darwin Awards: Evolution in Action," at Amazon.com (and don't forget to order Code Name: Dodger with it as well, LOL!)



_________________________

 Posting 11/14 at 11:00Phx (18:00z):

THERE I WUZ!:  

(*Note:  I wrote and scheduled this post prior to Hurricane Sandy.  My thoughts and prayers go out to the victims.  In no way  do I want to detract from the many hardships and sufferings still being experienced by survivors and victims!)



CAP'N AUX MEETS HURRICANE HUGO!


"We circled Christiansted Harbor and gingerly set down in the water, careful not to hit any flotsam from the newly-sunk ships. We taxied up the ramp and out of water.  Our fellow Seaplane Shuttle employees ran up and cheered—we were the first sign of civilization they’d seen in three days."

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20 comments:

  1. Hilarious Darwin post. Boy...there are some idiots out in this world we live in. Hmmm! Makes you wonder...lol. Great pics.

    Bon ;)

    ReplyDelete
  2. HILARIOUS!!!! :) :) :) :)

    Thanks for the laughs! Like Bon said, there sure are some real idiots out there!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe!"
      —Albert Einstein
      "There's a sucker born every minute."
      “Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”
      —Mark Twain

      'NUF SAID!!!!

      Delete
    2. Oops: P.T. Barnum, 2nd quote. stooopid!!

      Delete
  3. How about one more, Cap'n...

    "There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life."

    Gotta love Frank Zappa. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  4. How funny G...I have thought about this quote all day and wanted to add it.

    "Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."
    -Martin Luther King, Jr.

    Great Zappa line you added :)

    I did forget to say Cappie...I love me some Acccchmed...you infidel...terrorist. "Silence!...I kiwl you". Jeff Dunham rocks! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh Lordie be..........Cappy........Talk about got some Screwed up "gene" pools wandering around........on this planet!!!!!!!!There will always be those "Neanderthals"......who knuckles will continure to 'Drag the ground'.........!!!!

    of course, Thanks for the shout out for October being
    "Breast cancer awareness month".....Remember ladies, and men too..........
    "TAKE CARE OF THOSE "GIRLS"....and they'll take care of you........♥

    Hey Cap.....kinda cute in that pink tie........maybe just an,
    Urban myth......??.......I've heard your ties and undies always match......we already know how 'precious pink'....your diaper/carry-on bag is..........!!!???
    ;/

    ok, where was I......Yea......"SICKO'S" and "STUPITY"........sharing the lime-light......now about the "mile high club" epic failure........
    I've heard that the "mile high club"......actually exsists......???
    kinda makes ya wonder......Gee, I wonder what "leg" they were on..........OK OK......kinda lame............
    You have to admit........they took the "Scenic Route"............
    ;/
    and the fella with the bear cub..in his hand.....he is fixing to be Momma's 'Pride and Joy'.......In fact, I'm gonna nominate him for the "Nobel piece-o-shit".. prize...!!!!

    a few more observations.......
    how about...."Good friends don't let you do 'stupid' things Alone.......!!
    quote, stolen off internet...:))

    Love Love your sketch.......now thats talent.......Really!!!!!!!
    but I couldn't read the name at the bottom........lalalalal
    ;))))
    No really, you should put together a book of cartoons based on your flying days....the fun side.....and not so fun, as well...........moments.......??!!!!!

    Hilarious about the terrorists blowing himself up, "Greenwich mean time".....!!!!!
    ......
    Nothing pisses terrorists off more than ...adjusting his "detonation time"......
    Aw Poor baby......!!!


    Happy Halloweenie to you too, Captain....!!!!!!

    Thanks so much.....for sharing the stupidity wealth...
    Yours SO much Fun!!!!!!!!...

    MissTWA









    ReplyDelete
  6. "Sometimes when your world is "crashing down" around you"....
    It's good to be MISSED!!!!!!!!!!

    MissTWA quote....

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh Cap...........I just read this on of my 'zillion 'Saved Aviation links'.......in reference to your 'mile high' club.......

    "The Captain Requests That All Zippers Be Returned to the Upright Position"


    I need to change my avatar....don't want to be misstaken for a 'stalker'.......
    Anon....lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha that's some funny sh*t right there, I don't care who y'are!

      Thanks for the great reply, Dear! Gonna hafta draw some more silly aviation cartoons, LOL! I have a few, plus some "Spacey" ones. One of these days may post cartoons as a blog... :)

      Delete
  8. Hey Cappy....Is that the infamous $12.00 faux nagahide strap, timex, your brandising on your wrist in the pink tie pic'ie of you??????
    kk,
    carry on...........;)))))
    MissTWA....gonna get an "Asswhooping".....if I don't "Hush" Up...about that damn 'watch'....;b

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, I changed the pic for Halloween, but YES! And to tell the truth, after it passed the FINAL pilot test--it survived my underwater SCUBA adventure--I'm happy to say it's the best watch I ever did have!!

      ....or, at least the best THAI watch I ever had!!

      Delete
  9. Yes Cappy....All our 'Hearts go out to those suffering....after this storm.....!!!!
    Its just an "Awful mess"......and 'Life' as they know it......will never be the same.......!!!
    not so funny, what a difference one day can make......in the span of 36 hours.....and there isn't a damn thing you can do...!!!!!.....and the only thing, you may have left is just the ground your 2 feet are standing on.....!!!!No it's not about material things.....preserving life......is all that matters.......and at the same time....life is "LIVED".....somewhere we call "HOME".....!!.!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes! While the next blog coming up is about surviving a hurricane--and lost my home in it, too--I can't believe the level of suffering going on as we speak out on the East Coast! If you haven't done anything yet, please:


      Text "REDCROSS" to 90999 to automatically donate $10 to victims of Hurricane Sandy!

      Delete
  10. I always love reading your wonderful blogs, Capnaux!!! Keep writing, You Make My Day!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yay, thanks for tuning in! Sign up so we know who ya are, lol!

      Delete
  11. Awesome! Awesome! I am readingthe Last Bush Pilot right now and can't put it down. When will your next book be out?
    P.R.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Woot! Glad you're enjoying, PR! Let me catch a breather between novels...it takes a few years to write, lol!

      Delete

Sorry, folks, due to more spamming, Word Verification is back on. If you have trouble posting, please email your comments to me and I will post it for you!

capnaux@gmail.com