"The Girl, the Sold Watch, and Everything"
--A Thailand Adventure
"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"
went our little scooter, put-putting at full hamster motor speed to haul our two “Farong” (Westerner) tushies up the winding Thailand hillside.
Eyes squinted in determination and tongue chewed in concentration, I fishtailed up the wrong (left) side of the twisting, 2-lane, rice noodle road. Blasting their horns in warning, overcrowded buses, Tuk Tuks and scooters whizzed by, from both ways — in Thailand, traffic lanes, lights and laws are only a friendly suggestion.
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| The Girl... |
My travel buddy Lisa did an admirable job of not squealing in terror . . . too often. But if her nails had not been gnawed to the nubs, my sides would have been shredded into fish gills.
“800 baht!” the street vendor’s voice still rang in my ears, in concert with the whine of the hamster motor and horn shrieks. “It’s good watch, Boss! For you, good price!”
That line. “For you, good price!” Do they hammer that line into every street hawker the world ‘round? Of course, it invites haggle, and after 3 weeks I had once again mastered the Art of the Deal, rather than the standard American reply of, “Duh, okay!”
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As a pilot, I’m picky about my watch. But I’ve never bought into the silly, thousand dollar wonders marketed as “You’re not a real pilot unless you have a Breitling like good ol’ Captain John Travolta here.” More bells, dials, whistles, and aerodynamic gleaming alloy than his Boeing 727. Guaranteed to send the airport X-ray scanner into convulsions. All status symbol and flash. But does it actually tell time?
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| ...and, well, you know... |
Me, I go for practical. Dual time — one digital, one analog — to keep me upright while zigzagging the time zones; day and date prominently displayed; an alarm and, well, ok, a stopwatch if you must. Not too big, not too flashy. $32.99 at Walmart.
Our travel mates, Brian and Beth, lean that other way, though. To wit, Lisa and I politely tagged along as they scoured the Phuket Island vendors in the city of Patong for the ultimate deal on Rolex knock-offs . . . or Folex, as we came to mockingly call 'em.
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| For you, Boss, NOT good price! |
Eyes darting furtively about, the winning vendor smuggled us into his super secret back room and plied Brian with only the “best of the best.” A veteran of Thai travels, Brian talked him down from 6000 to 2700 baht — $90 for two pieces of the finest, flashiest junk the 3rd World had to offer.
From 800 baht, I’d talked my vendor down to 350. $12. Not bad for a novice Farong, but still more than a local, or even Brian, would pay. I didn’t mind. One-third the price of Walmart. Good price, Boss!
SOLD!
SOLD!
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| Profession: Pilot. Career: Traveler! |
"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"
So why was our Little Engine That Barely Could struggling to haul our Farong derrieres up over the hill and back to the mayhem of Patong?
So why was our Little Engine That Barely Could struggling to haul our Farong derrieres up over the hill and back to the mayhem of Patong?
Because, two hours later, the big and little hands still displayed 10:20 a.m. — the exact time of my smokin’ watch deal. Unless we were trapped in a black hole, my $12 wonder watch had stopped working.
Or, to be more precise, had never worked to begin with. The analog hands, that is. The digital LED portion reported, correctly, the current local time as 12:32.
Much to my dismay, I knew, we were most certainly not trapped in a time warp.
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| Team Aloha! —Lisa, Cap'n, Brian & Beth |
So, reluctantly ripping ourselves away from our beach chairs and Chang beers (80 baht, good price!), Lisa and I zigzagged our way back to the point of sale.
Knowing that my street vendor may suddenly close for lunch if he spied me approaching with a return, I surreptitiously slipped up to the stall pretending to be a new customer. I was immediately greeted with another, “For you, good price, Boss!”
Smiling, I held up the defunct watch. “No good, Boss!” I replied.
Deer in headlights look. With surprisingly minimal hassle, I got a new, if different, watch — Thai street dealers never seem to have the same two time pieces, but rather a mishmash of random stock.
“Instruction manual?” I asked. Digging through a stack of manuals, the boy thrust a random booklet into my hand. At least the thing had the same manufacturer name as was printed on the face of the watch.
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| Little monks, biiiig Buddha! |
"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"
Back over the hill we put-putted, my new wonder piece gleaming on my left wrist.
Did I mention April is Thailand’s hottest, muggiest month? Think Atlanta summer plus ten degrees temp and humidity. Drenched in sweat, we jumped into the pristine water for a few minutes' respite before settling back in our beach chairs and ordering up a coupla new, nearly cold, Changs.
Still skeptical about the new watch, I checked the analog dials. Still happily tic-tocking away! That’s when I noticed the digital part. Foggy with seawater, with the LED display all smeared!
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| Nothing short of a $12 watch could rip me away from this slice of heaven! |
"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"
Deer in headlights. Unsure, the young vendor nervously glanced at his boss. “Here,” the stall owner said, thrusting a new time piece into my hand. “Here is better watch! You go now and no come back!”
“No worries, mate!” I replied, knowing that, functional or no, I was not hauling our kiesters back over the mountain and away from our beachside Changs for yet another $12 piece of dysfunctional junk.
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| Thai Food Fiiiiight!!! |
Back on our little patch of sand-strewn paradise, dripping wet with cool seawater and clasping new semi-chilled beers, the pilot in me ran through a mental, “3rd World Time Piece Functionality” Checklist:
Analog hands tick-ticking test — Check!
Post-swim digital LED test — Check!
Nightlight luminosity test — Check!
Day, Date, Year reasonably correct test — Check!
“3rd World Time Piece Checklist” — Complete!
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| Tuk tuk? No, Tusk Tusk! |
I am proud to report that, after an entire week, multiple time zone crossings, now half a world away and back in the office at 35,000’ enroute to STL, my new timepiece keeps on tickin'! As the setting sun reflects off the clouds below, my Thai wonder still precisely reads the time as 10:20 am.
WTF?!?!
"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"
P.S. — Both Brian and Beth had to return their $90 wonders at least once as well. To date, both have been eerily silent on reporting current functionality!
P.P.S. — Oh, ya, and Thailand has lots of cool places to see, eat, ride elephants, snorkel, hike, rock climb, party and stuff. Lotsa giant gold Buddha’s, cool temples and the like. But you can figure that out by reading your Lonely Planet guide book. Cheers!
