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Thursday, April 5, 2012

Flushing the Toity at 39,000’, and Other Busted Myths



A childhood friend of mine once asked me, “I’ve been dying to know all my life:  when you flush the toilet on an airplane, does it just dump out all over the ground?”
Well, I’m happy to say, that question has finally been answered definitively, by an unfortunate couple lounging on their back deck.  Yep, the brown sludge that fell from the sky and covered their evening in smelly brown goo was . . . indeed . . . lav doo too!*
Don't worry, it hasn't come to this on airplanes...yet!!

Actually, and quite fortunately, that was a complete fluke.  The reality is, all waste generated on an airplane is supposed to flush into a holding tank, similar to the head on a Winnebago or sailboat.  And, while the latter vessel can choose to feed the fish at any given moment, strict EPA and FAA rules require that aircraft only be emptied on the ground, in a completely controlled environment.  Hence the “Blue Juice truck” servicing your aircraft prior to departure, and the poor schmuck who has to run it.  For, despite the closely controlled system . . .  hazmat happens.

Why not a full hazmat suit?!  You couldn't pay me enough...
Reminds me of the guy who’s job was to empty the airplane lavatory.  Every night he came home reeking of sewage and griping to his wife.  “Well, why don’t you quit?” asks his supportive spouse.  “What?!” the doo doo dumper gasps, “and leave aviation?!”
A joke only us flying nuts would get, I suppose.

I'll be in my office!  Anybody seen my copy of War and Peace?! (Fifi's Lav A) 

At the risk of TMI, a little more about blue juice.  Other than the obvious reason that none of us appreciate getting shat upon by Jonathan Livingston Seagull—the bird or plane version—there are other factors forbidding flushing at altitude.
Cartoon proudly stolen from Chris Mano (Jethead's blog: http://jethead.wordpress.com/)
First of all, temperatures at cruise tend to be in the minus-a-lots.  And, like anything liquid, blue juice freezes.  Clogs the pipes.  Jacks the system.  A leaky lav drain can freeze into icy blue chunks beneath the fuselage, which then break off in the airstream.  Yes, earthbound real estate has fallen victim to hurtling blue projectiles falling from the sky, though no peeps injured or killed that we know about.**
WTF?!  Eh...no comment!
Secondly, any metal bird flying above 10,000 (besides the most basic Cessna) will be pressurized.  Air flows in, air flows out, but at an extremely controlled rate.  The onboard air conditioners work overtime keeping the cabin air pumped up to breathable levels, sort of like flying inside a balloon.  While being nearly airtight, however, an airplane is far from hermetically sealed.  Small leaks are standard, medium leaks get our attention, and a big leaks call for an emergency dive bomb while sucking on those margarine cup thingies dangling from the ceiling.


Which brings us to Myth #2:  Despite the wives tale perpetuated by the original “Airport” disaster movie, a tiny hole punched in the plane will not “suck” a human being out the window . . . or down the drain.  (Death by toilet sucking - yikes!)  Although you wouldn’t know it from the 6-year-old emerging from the lav, screaming and crying, traumatized by the chainsaw-decibel toilet flush at 35,000’.

Warp Speed, Number One.  Engage!  Er...better make that Number 2!

Perhaps that's what Gerard Depardieu was worried about when he chose not to use the lav.***
Airbus, you coulda done a better job making the flusher more husher!
-----------------------------------------------------
*Couple Wants Answers After Lav Leak

**There were at least 27 documented incidents of blue ice impacts in the United States between 1979 and 2003

***French actor Gerard Depardieu urinates on an airplane

28 comments:

  1. A post about Poopsicles! I love it! LOL! Thank you, Cappy, for the morning laugh! :)))

    The pictures you added (with the hilarious captions) made the post for me! :))))

    Cool that you added Chris Manno's cartoon too.

    Thanks for accommodating this demanding little brat. I won't pressure you any more to write posts. (Ya, right!)

    Take care and have a great Easter weekend if I don't hear from you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. And, YAY!! I can delete the comment now if I want to! LOL (I won't though...)

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  3. Wow Cappie...How did you know that this exact question is something I have pondered on for years? Ya, right. Quite the post and pics to wake up to :) I thoroughly enjoyed the enlightenment on where my pee-crap gets sent. I really did always think it just got flushed out. Ha! As for the lovely blue water...well I'm thinking they need to change it depending on the seasons. Christmas-green, Halloween-orange, Easter-maybe a pastel color. Hey it might take out mind off that gawd awful of noise when we flush. It does sound like you could be sucked right outta that plane. Hee!

    I feel a lot better knowing a tiny little hole in the plane won't casue everything to be sucked out too...well me really. Whew! That's a load off (no pun intended;)

    Thanks for posting another great blog. We appreciate-em.

    Enjoy...

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  4. I just realized my spelling sucks this morning. Oops :)

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  5. Ha ha! Great and an unusual post Captain!:)
    A suggestion:
    Next time when you need to lose weight for landing, you can try dumping that "brown sludge", instead of fuel!
    It's cheaper and organic :)

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  6. Hi Cappy...........
    Hilarious Hilarious post!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    So you DO know "Jack Shitt" after all..........LOL....

    If you ever get the chance.........you should look up Jack Shitt's family tree so to speak........Funny Shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ever see seagulls lined up on a long pier........guess what they're doing....???

    they're "shooting the shit".....get it..........ooooooooooooooooooK

    think I'll be stealing a couple of your pics off this post for a change.........
    some good ones here.....ha ha

    Isn't the 'taj mahal one of the 7 or so 'wonders of the world'.............what a 'relief'(Yes Pun).....that even that wonder..........just sits on a hole in the ground tooooooooooo.......maybe 'gold plated'...but still a HOLE!!!

    last year......we had a bulkhead put in.....along a pond behind our house......
    So
    the contracter rents a "Port-o-let".....for the workers.......well the port-o-let..is placed right at the end of my driveway........for the whole world to see...........picture that....a bright blue port-o-let......in a nice neighborhood........
    so I decided to have a little fun......I went inside it....with newspaper in hand........and when I heard a car coming down the street.......I opened the door of the port-o-let and walked out with newspaper in hand.......the looks on the faces of those driving down my street were effin priceless!!!!!!!!
    I kid you Not!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Speaking of plenty of shitt..............
    Is the Easter bunny coming to see you this weekend.........LOL

    Keep em coming Cappy.....not many can pull off a "shit post"......
    remember......"work Poop"...is inevitable...

    MissTWA

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh and arn't you a star Trekie fan........????
    kinda gives new meaning to
    "Captain's LOG"..............eshhhh....

    MissTWA....sneaking out back door(yes pun)......with "shit eating grin"....in tow.............

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bwahaha I LOL'd in the middle of HND airport to your Captain's Log, dear!!

      ALL, I'm off for a 3 weeks backpacking adventure through Thailand, so talk amongst yourselves for awhile! I see you're already off to a good start lol!

      Already bumped from Thai Air nonstop from LAX so you can see I'm already off to an...eh..."adventurous" start!

      As always, burglar types, don't forget my 6'3" 230lb boy Tim at home just itching to use Daddy's new Glock 19! And of course my highly trained vicious attack cat Tarzan!!

      Delete
    2. PS: Fear not! Blog's scheduled to post each week, Thursdays at midnight PHX time!!

      Delete
    3. Well..........Cappy E.......In keeping with the "hoity toity"........post of yours here..............
      Here's hoping you have all the "Necessary PAPER WORK"....(if you know what I mean)....for your
      BACKPACKING ADVENTURE DEEP IN THE 'BUSH' OF THAILAND..........LOL

      just consider this a "public service announcement" of sorts......and/or MissTWA sticking her nose where it don't belong.........OMG........"PHEW".........LOL

      Delete
  8. That is why I love this blog .It make me smile :).

    I just awarded you The Versatile Blogger award.

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  9. Have a great vacation Cappy E...............!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    Hey there Craig of "Cedarglen"....!!!!
    So glad your out and about........Hope all is good with you and your family....We miss ya......huh........GG !!!!!!

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  10. I hope I'm not overstepping my boundaries'............and in cooperation with the "theme" of his post.............and since the Easter bunny probably only left Cappy E......a few "Choco Logs".........(OH MY).......in his Easter basket........LOL...

    of course it can never be in bad taste....to send Happy Wishes...

    So I send those Wishes for a Happy Easter to all Capt'n's followers......!!!

    MissTWA/Friend

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  11. Oh Miss TWA, not in bad taste at all...actually in very good taste. :) Happy Easter to you and everyone else on here. Hope it is a truly fun day of family, friends, and gorging.

    Cheers...Bon

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  12. Thank you Bon.......!!

    speaking of gorging.......
    I'm still raging with a 'sugar buzz'........LOL
    Damn "Peeps"............
    MissTWA

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  13. LOL! Good for you...is the sugar outta your system yet? Haha! Never been a fan of "Peeps". AND...for once in my life I did not get a sugar high...stayed away from the oh so good but evil crap, uh..I mean chocolate. Hee! However, when it came to the actual meal...ya..I gorged. I couldn't help myself,no willpower to abstain. Hee!

    You ready for the next blog? Wonder what it's gonna be about...I need to go and check yours out :)

    Have a good one MissTWA

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    Replies
    1. LOL....Bon............Yep off the sugar buzz...........and back to business as usual......'Hump day ............Margarita's..........which only leave you feeling like you've been "shot at and missed and SHIT at and HIT......:))))

      With Cappy...jeez can't imagine what his next post....will be........!!!

      I'm having 'A LITTLE TOO MUCH FUN'.......WITH HIS SHIT POST, I'll tell ya that..............!!!!
      ..And like shit in a toity........one can only look up!!!!!!!!!!!!
      OMG.......

      I just may be 'shit-outta-luck'.....now......
      when he gets back....the shit will hit the fan......and ..I'll be banished..........LOL........

      Delete
  14. Great read on a special subject! Thanks for thinking about us and the scheduled posts! Hooked to your blog, have fun in Thailand!

    Bas

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    Replies
    1. Ahhhh Bas..........
      let us not forget your 'POOPING BLACK Bird pictures....a couple of them.....on your blog........................LOL............SINCE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT........HA HA......
      ;)))))

      Delete
  15. Hey gang great "sh*t" and thanks for all the well wishes--Happy Easter back! Quick wifi access at BKK now off to CHM!

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    Replies
    1. Hi Cappy........Proof positive.........sh!t attracts flies...........anyway thats what I heard....buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

      Hope your enjoying vaca.....!!!!!!


      not to worry........your blog will be shit-faced by the time you get back........I know ....give it a rest.......Jules..
      Nahhhhhhh

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    2. Haha too funny gj! oops correction "CNX!"
      Look up the "water fest" here!

      Delete
    3. Holy Shit......Cappy..........the Water Festival.......Looks like a Blast.....!!!!!!!!!!!
      Kinda like Mardi Gras....but not with beads.......you throw, shoot...whatever water.......Fun Fun!
      April 13-15th.......I can about imagine you.....jumping around .........with one of those giant ass........

      Water AK-47's........gee,I wonder where you'll be aiming........:))))))))
      Hey make a video and put on you-tube........I watched many videos and these folks are having so much FUN!!!!!!!!!!!


      One thing fooo shooo.....Cappy will be getting a bath.....at least 3 days........LOL..........

      Delete
  16. Hey Crappy! er - I mean Cappy!

    A great post - sorry so late in joining the comments!

    Have a fab time in Thailand - just remember, those "ladies" aren't always what they seem!

    All the best and bon voyage!

    Dave from the UK :)

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    Replies
    1. OH MY.......Dave.............Are you speaking from past experience when it comes to a certain type of "LADIES"?????????????????where confusion .....can rear it's ugly Head....!!!!...LOL..
      I'm sure Crappy..I mean Cappy......will be fine..........with a 12 point inspection implimented....he has in place........right????

      So good to see you Dave......

      Delete
  17. Another great post. Can't wait til we can track you again. I missed the first one :(

    ReplyDelete

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